What Do Women Want In a Relationship?

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This is another issue that confuses a lot of men including me in the past. I used to think of women as a kind of a puzzle that cannot and will not be solved. This was simply because I could not understand what women really want in a relationship.

The following is the sequence I used to follow in the past:

- I feel like I do not understand what women want.

- I decide to solve the puzzle and understand what women really want.

- I start to think, read, and make some research about the subject.

- The “Aha moment” comes when i find something new.

- I apply that new information with women to check if it works.

- The good news is the new information works.

- The bad news is the new information is no longer works when I use them again and again.

- I come to the conclusion that the new information is not what I was looking for.

- I feel like I do not understand women and what they really want… and start over to repeat the same sequence again…

When I was nice with a woman, everything was going well or it is just what I thought, then for an unknown reason she dumps me or goes for the “Let’s be friends” attitude.

After I realized that nice guys finish last, I decided to change…

I decided to be the bad boy who is arrogant and is hard to get, and I got some good results.

However, because I was interested in a long term relationship, the girl -who always liked the bad boy who is what I became- started to complain about the same traits that made her attracted to me at the first place, so:

The arrogant guy who attracted her = the self centered guy who does not think about anyone except himself.

The hard to get guy = You do not dedicate enough time to me.

The old traits that attracted her are now the same things that she complains about.

I have also to admit that made them even more attracted, but it was not too long before the woman becomes really annoyed and guess what happened??! It is the same thing that happened when I was a nice guy. She dumped me for another caring guy.

I used to think like: What the heck is that? What they really want? It seems like neither they need a nice guy nor they can maintain a relationship with a jerk.

So I came to the conclusion that:

While nice guys finish last.. Bad boys finish first!

The bad boy attitude helps only at the start but maintaining the same attitude will result in even faster break up! This is what I used to think before I educate myself about relationships and how they work.

What I have already missed is that I was asking the wrong question, and there is no answer for such a question or what women want in a relationship!

This is simply because the “relationship” is not a single thing.

In a previous article I have explained that there are five stages for any successful relationship and they are:

  1. The honeymoon or the romance stage.
  2. The understanding stage.
  3. The power struggle stage.
  4. The stability and commitment stage.
  5. The Re-commitment and Intimacy Stage.

So the word relationship does not represent one single thing, and it is a complete nonsense to ask such a question.

In fact, the word relationship means 5 different stages, and if you want to know what women really want in a relationship, you have to state the stage as well. For example, you may ask the questions like these:

What do women want in the honeymoon stage in a relationship?

What do women want in the power struggle stage in a relationship?

What do women want in the commitment stage in a relationship?

And so on..

And while there are many things that differ from a woman to another, you can now understand the common thing that women want based on the stage of the relationship.

I have to make things very clear… When I say the stage of the relationship, I mean the stage that a woman in, and not the stage you are in because they may sometimes be different.

For example, a woman may still in the honeymoon stage when you are already in the commitment stage i.e. thinking to propose marriage or something like this.

So your woman relationship stage is what really matters.

Now, you may understand that there are five answers to the question what do women really want, and while it is true, I will summarize the five answers into just two answers because:

- The final stage which is the recommitment stage is rarely to happen and even if it happens, there are almost no relationships issues in this stage, because of the strong understanding between the couples that they may not need to ask what the other partner really wants! No need for such a question.

- The honeymoon stage, understanding stage, and the power struggle stage can almost be considered the same with a slight difference that we are going to discuss right now.


This leaves us with only two cases. Thus, the question: what do women want has now two unique forms:

  •  What do women want in the honeymoon stage, understanding stage, and the power struggle stage in a relationship?
  •  What do women want in the commitment stage in a relationship?


What do women want in the honeymoon stage in a relationship?

For the honeymoon stage, attraction is the king. It is related to your ability to show that you are a “Promising” partner according to your woman own criteria.

In general, women are attracted to some traits, that if they find in a man they will fall in love with him. Those are manly traits like confidence, leadership and having high self-esteem.

What women really want in the honeymoon stage is a CONFIDENT MAN.

Why? Because we expect our lovers to be ideal human beings, and the ideal is certainly confident, and certainly someone who gets the star treatment. Right?!

What works best in this stage is to adopt a pure bad boy attitude, and to have some sense of humor.

Attraction is higher and happens even faster when you are confident, flirt in sometimes, tease in other times, have some sense of humor and appear as a resourceful person by knowing some sort of special information and special skills like palm reading for example.

By showing how you appreciate yourself, and by putting yourself and your needs first, you will be the star which is more suitable as an ideal human being, and which is exactly what women are expecting from you… To rock their feelings like a movie star!


What do women want in the understanding stage in a relationship?

In a nutshell, exactly like the honeymoon stage. They want the star they fell in love with to remain a star.

In the understanding stage, it’s normal for couples to become more realistic and to realize that the ideal partner is no longer that ideal, however with you repeating and confirming what you have already demonstrated in the honeymoon stage, you will make her even more attracted and will gain some power in the relationship more than her.


What do women want in the power struggle stage in a relationship?

Putting your guard down early on the relationship by trying to please your woman, putting her needs first and being available for her all the time, will never satisfy her and chances are that she is going to dump you.

A woman wants to be happy and comfort. This will simply happen when she is INSIDE her comfort zone. So what is a woman comfort zone?

Women comfort zone

The comfort zone is the expression used to describe the area of a person’s life where he or she can feel good.

This area includes your interests, activities, and merely everything that makes you comfort.

The comfort zone borders are defined by the subconscious mind; thus it differs from a person to another person.

Talking about women, the comfort zone differs from a woman to another, however there is a common zone that is necessary for every woman to feel comfort. This zone represents the basic needs for every woman to feel comfort, and as I explained, its borders are defined by a woman subconscious mind; thus a woman herself cannot sometimes define her own comfort zone.

A woman comfort zone must include the following:

  • The feelings that she is not the responsible one, and not the one who is supposed to make decisions, because her man can do these tasks instead of her.
  • The feelings that she is in a company of a strong man who can protect her, and that she can respect.
  • The feelings that she can depend on a man, to help her solve her own problems.
  • The feelings that her man is not easy to be available for her, however he is available for her most of the time.
  • The feelings that her man can without doubt provide security and protection for her and her offspring.
  •  The feelings that her man is a “catch”, and she is proud to get him to choose her among all women.
  • The feeling that she has an attractive man and she has to protect her man from being stolen by other women.

As you can see, it is all about feelings and a woman wants a relationship with a man who can provide her with certain FEELINGS that she desperately needs, provided that the man is a real man and attractive enough to the extent that she should always take care to protect her man from being stolen by another woman.


What do women want in the commitment stage in a relationship?

When it comes to the long run, and the long term relationship, things go way different.

Stress on your self-assurance and you will be accused of being arrogant.

Try to Put your needs first and you will be accused of being selfish and ignoring the relationship.

So what should you do and how should you act in the commitment stage?

In the commitment stage women expect you to be more caring and nice, which is not wrong at all.

In fact, you can put your guard down now, be nicer, and give her what she wants… But.. Only after she asks for it! Again, do not give her the princess treatment unless she asks for it in a direct or indirect way!

We, humans tend to appreciate things we worked hard to get, and on the other hand we tend to take the things that are “easy to get” for granted.

So, you can now get rid of the bad boy and let the nice guy inside you comes to play provided that she appreciate what you do and does not take it for granted.

With that said, she will always respect you, love you, will never take you for granted, and above all you will help her stay within her comfort zone, which means that she will be happy and of course you too will be happy.


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About Ali

Ali is the one behind Relationshippa.com. He created this Relationship Advice Blog to share what he has learned through the past 7 years about psychology, women, and relationships to help you control your love life.

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