The Power Struggle Stage In A Relationship

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The power struggle stage in a relationship

Lots of men know nothing about the concept of power in relationships. They blindly deal with their women without knowing anything about it, and when it is the end of the relationship, they start complaining and claiming they did their best, however the reality is way different. This article will tell you in an indirect way why the relationship ended that way while you think you did your best.

The power Struggle stage in a relationship

In the article the five stages of a committed relationship, I said that any normal and even successful relationship must go through five stages or phases which are:

  • The Honeymoon stage
  • The understanding stage
  • The Power struggle stage
  • The stability and commitment stage
  • The Re-commitment and Intimacy Stage

As you can see the power struggle stage comes right in the middle of a relationship timeline, and that’s why it is really important because actually it may change the path a relationship goes through.

So instead of the above scenario, the relationship may fail and take another path. So, the stages of a relationship would be as the following:

  • The Honeymoon stage
  • The understanding stage
  • The Power struggle stage
  • The collapsing stage
  • The breakup stage

And the breakup stage is actually the start of another scenario; however it is not the subject of this article. All what I want to stress right now is the importance of the power struggle stage and how it actually can change the path of the relationship and turn its potential success into a complete failure.

Make no mistake about it. The power struggle stage itself is not the problem. In fact, it is necessary for any normal and healthy relationship just as the honeymoon stage; however the problem is how you handle yourself, your spouse and the whole relationship while being in the power struggle stage.

So, the first thing to worry about is that you should be aware of the power struggle stage, so that you can handle it well.

The following lines will help you know if you are still in the power struggle stage or you have already passed it. Let’s hope you have not even reached it yet.

Signs you are already in the power struggle stage

  • Unlike the honeymoon stage where you just saw that “compatible couple”, you now care more about the differences.
  • Conflicts start to arise.
  • Both of you start to doubt each other’s possibility as a potential lover.
  • Both of you want to affect the other by playing hard to get, mind games, and some psychological tricks if possible.
  • Some men or even women start to make their lover jealous, and it is sometimes for no obvious reason.
  • In a later time of this stage, arguments find its way to both of you. Oh! The compatible couple does not exist anymore. Arguments start with very little things and by the time, the reasons of the arguments become more serious.
  • You may fight with each other.
  • You may even cry in front of each other.
  • You feel like you want her but at the same time you do not want her! And this is a very obvious sign.

There is another important point that you must be aware of. The power struggle stage does not necessarily happen just one time! In other words, you may pass the power struggle stage to the commitment stage then after a while get back to it again.

In fact, many couples keep getting back to this stage until they finally find a solution or break up with each other.

So what if you still cannot recognize whether you are in the power struggle stage or you have passed it?

Well.. Contact me and I will help you know in which stage you are right now.

The power game in a relationship

The power game in a relationship is the expression we use to describe how strong a person is without the relationship (or if he lost the relationship) and to what extent he/she is not dependent on the relationship and can live and survive without it.

Women use their soft and feminine methods and tricks to affect men get the power from them while men try to affect them and get the power back by using their manly and masculine methods and techniques. Both the partners are trying to get more power, even if they unintentionally do it. The more power you have, the more your partner is interested in you, the more you take from the relationship, and finally the less you give or commit to the relationship.

The power balance in a relationship

To make it easier for you to visualize and understand this inversely proportional relationship between the power and the amount of interest in a relationship, you can imagine it like a balance or what I call the power balance. So let’s be clear on something very important:

“The more someone is dependent on a relationship, the more he is interested in the relationship, the less power he will have and vice versa”

So if she has the power right now, and you want to get some of this power, then you have to be just as interested in the relationship as her. If you want to have a little bit power more than her, then you should be a little bit less interested in the relationship than her.

Imagine that interest is something physical and can be weighed, so as you can see in the figure, if you put some more interest, you will outweigh her interest and so she will be blown up and leave the relationship. Also, by reducing the amount of interest, you will cause her interest to outweigh yours, which means that you are threatening her that you will be blown up or in other words, leave the relationship.

The power balance

It is normal that the power is not equal but when there is a big gap in the power balance, the relationship will not work.

The best case is when you (the man) have a little bit power, because women are emotional and they may take the wrong decision. Women are not supposed to take the lead, nor they love it. In addition to this, women comfort zone is when they have a little bit power less than men. This is what makes a good reason for a woman to follow a man.

You may be telling yourself that it may sound good if you have very less interest than her, which will give you more power than her. This would be great if you have a little bit power more than her, however, when the gap goes bigger and bigger, and even if it is in your favor,  this would lead to a manipulative relationship, and it will cause her to arise on you and break up with you.

A Good note is if both interests are low, thus there is no relationship anyway, however if both of them are high then it is dangerous because if one of them is decreased a little then the difference is big, which threaten to end the relationship.

The general rule is: The less the difference or the gap, the healthier the relationship and even if this gap is in your favor.

The power struggle right after a break up

If your woman has already broken up with you, and you are the one who has been dumped, then you may feel broken… your ex-girlfriend has left you, and you want to get her back, so you must be aware of the fact that she is the one who has the power now.

Again, the rule:

“The more someone is dependent on a relationship, the more he is interested in the relationship, the less power he will have”

Let’s be realistic, she has dumped you, and this means that she is no longer interested in being with you, at least not as much as when you started the relationship. This drop in her interest being with you, has given her more power over you.

With that said, it is now clear that in order to make your girlfriend more interested in the relationship and getting back with you, you simply have to take this power from her. This can be perfectly done using the no contact rule.

The power struggle and money.

Money is a source of power in general, and it has a great effect on the power in relationships.  As we defined power as what makes someone less dependent on the relationship, if this person does not have any source of income rather than the money he/she gets from his/her partner, then he/she will be more and more dependent on the relationship. That is why women without jobs are more dependent on the relationship, simply because they have no other source of income.

Final words about the power struggle in a relationship

It is important to have a little bit more power as a man than your woman. It is even better for the relationship, however getting a lot of power more than her will lead to a manipulative relationship which is really unhealthy for both of you. Power is very important, so do not ignore it nor misuse it.

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About Ali

Ali is the one behind Relationshippa.com. He created this Relationship Advice Blog to share what he has learned through the past 7 years about psychology, women, and relationships to help you control your love life.

Find Ali on Facebook, Google+, and Twitter.

Comments

  1. Dear Ali,

    This is incredible! I wish I had read this back in October! But I think and am hopefull things will be better for all of us soon! Hope & faith are greatest weapons in man’s hand1

    Thank you again for this deep & wonderful advice.

    Warm regards

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