The No Contact Rule (NC)

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If you are searching for information to help you get your ex back, then you may have heard the word No contact technique or No No contact ruleContact rule (NC) many times. So what is NC? , is it effective enough? And should you use it?! All of these are valid questions that you may be asking yourself just right now. In this articles I will try to answer all these questions so that it could be easier for you to understand NC and to decide if it is for you or not.

What is the no contact rule?

No contact rule is a technique used to help you get your ex back after a break up. It means that you cut any form of contact with your ex, and not getting in touch with her in a way or another. In other words, you completely disappear from her life.

While it may sound counter intuitive, the no contact rule is the most powerful technique all the time, however it is not for everyone.

The no contact rule after a break up

 What makes lots of men fail applying the no contact is that they think of it as a mind game or a trick that they can temporarily use as a fast solution to help them get the woman back and then stop it. No contact rule is not about tricking your woman or making her feel guilty, jealous or even lost. No contact is a strategy more than a tactic, and you must focus on the strategy behind the no contact rule than the tactic itself. No contact is more concerned of stealing the power from your ex-girlfriend/wife and giving it back to you.

No contact rule and the power game

Put this rule into your mind:

“The more someone is interested in a relationship, the less power he will have”

Right now, most of the power is with her not you, and according to the above rule this means a lot of power which in turn means less interest in the relationship and getting back to you.

With that said, it is now clear that in order to make your girlfriend more interested in the relationship and getting back with you, you simply have to take the power from her.

So, to sum it up, you need to make her interested again in the relationship, thus you have to take the power she already has now from her and the technique that will be used to do this is that you will break up with her exactly as she did.

You have to realize that I’m not talking about (faking it).. You have to actually overcome your break-up and get over her and you should trust me and agree with me on this before proceeding a bit.

Now the important question is “How you will actually get this power from her?” Well, I think you have guessed the answer, yes it is right.. The no contact rule!

Does No Contact Rule Work?!!

A common question is: isn’t it right that cutting contact with my ex will push her into seeing another guy? and if this no contact rule is going to work?!!

The answer is really simple: Yes the no contact works perfectly in many cases and it will not drive your ex into falling in love with another guy simply because relationships do not work like this. My proof?! Well, she dumped you, right? Did that push you into seeing another girl?! Of course no. So do not even worry about this at all.

You may be telling yourself that it is nonsense if you tried to cut all contact with you ex while in fact you are willing to get her back! This is normal, but let me ask you a question: what is the alternative in your opinion? To persuade her to stay with you? To beg her to love you? Believe me it is not going to work.

Persuasion will never work this way… Women are not logical like us men, and as David d’angelo said : Attraction is not a choice or let me correct it a bit and say it is not a conscious choice. She is not going to use her mind to assess the situation as we men do. She just fell like this or like that and she acts based on those feelings, so trying to change her mind will never work. What only ever works is changing her feelings. How? The secret lies in reverse psychology.

No contact rule and reverse psychology

Reverse psychology: is trying to influencing someone to do something by telling them to do the complete opposite thing. It is a form of motivation by manipulating the other person.

For example: you want your little sister to do her homework so you may say something like “I bet you cannot finish your homework tonight” and so she will make her best to prove you wrong and get her homework done. This also explains why we appreciate what we cannot have. Everyone is trying to protect his/her ego and by trying to persuade them or tell them what to do, you are triggering their ego protectors, and so they will completely do the opposite thing.

So what does this have to do with no contact rule and getting your ex back?

Well in fact it is the same, no contact works on getting her to contact you by cutting all contacts. You are just telling her that she is also no more welcome in your life, or in other words you dump her as she did and reject her as she did. She will feel exactly what you feel now. So if you want her to come back, just tel her not to come back as you no longer want her in your life. Simple like that.

You may be thinking that your girl is too stubborn… in fact, the good news is, the more stubborn she is, the more she will try to protect her ego and the more it is easier to get her back by applying no contact.

Just a note: reverse psychology needs to be used the right way and in the right time. The secret that it works is that the other person takes the lure and try to resist or oppose you by doing what you really want, however if the other person could guess that you are tricking him. The situation may even become worse than it is.

So to sum up all the effects of no contact:

1)      on your girl:

  • No contact will make her confused.
  • No contact will make her respect you, miss you and appreciate your presence in her life.
  • No contact will cause her to doubt herself and her decision.
  • No contact may even cause her to regret her decision of breaking up with you.
  • No contact will make her come back while thinking that she is the one tricking you to get back with her :)

 2)      On you:

  • You have time to work on your dating skills.
  • You take the chance to learn from your past mistakes.
  • Have time to improve your look by hitting the gym, getting some fashionable clothes and a stylish haircut.
  • You Get ready emotionally for the moment you meet her again.

Who should use the no contact technique? Should you?

In fact, the no contact is not for everyone. You will learn why later in this article, however, for now, you have to be sure that you fit in one or more of the following categories, otherwise DO NOT use no contact. The following lines indicate certain cases in which, one can use no contact to get her girlfriend/wife back:

  • Your relationship can be described as a well-established relationship: it is not relatively new or too short. The point here is to make sure that your girlfriend will miss you when you disappear from her life. Let’s face it! Who cares about a guy that she knew for just two weeks. Simply, she will not suffer when you are not there for her. An exception to this rule is when she does not have a balanced social life or she was too dependent on you. The keyword here is that she should suffer when you disappear, even if it is not a great suffering.
  • She dumped you and it is an official break up: she was the one who ended the relationship, and she announced it or blatantly told you that it is over.  She did not determine a specific reason as she just was not interested or she said some lame excuses like:

- She is not good for you, and you deserve someone better than her.
- She needs space.
- She wants to see new people
- She just wants to be alone
- She feels like she is still not ready for a relationship.

All those are lame excuses that she uses as a good reason to break up with you without feeling guilty. So, in case that she is the one who ended the relationship, you certainly should use the no contact.

The only exception to this rule is if she dumped you because you cheated or lied to her, or any other big mistake, and when I say big I mean big ones. In this case you should use the reframing techniques mentioned here, however, if it is a small mistake which she uses as a lame excuse to dump you, just call her to say sorry, and start no contact right away.

So, if you do fit in one or more of the above categories then start NC right now, otherwise, stay away from this technique. Just for example, if you dumped her, do not use NC. If you cheated on her, of course do not use the no contact rule.

Does No Contact work on men as well?

This is an update as after i wrote the post i received many emails from women asking if the no contact rule can work on men. In other words can a woman get her husband or boyfriend back using the no contact rule??

The answer is YES. A woman can get her man back using no contact and this is simply because the no contact is just a technique and the strategy behind it heavily depends on reverse psychology which works on any human either it be a man or a woman, but i write with men in mind, and that’s why i talk about how guys can use no contact rule to get their women back.

So let’s be clear about it..

  • No contact rule works for a man who wants to get his woman back.
  • No contact rule works for a woman who wants to get her man back.
  • No contact rule works even for a friend who wants to get his friend back!

If you have any questions about the no contact rule, please let me know and i will publish the answer here so that everybody can make use of it.

You may also want to check my ultimate guide on how to get your ex girlfriend back .

Matt Huston created the ex2 system and helped many guys get their ex girlfriends back. Not only Matt will tell you about killer tactics and techniques to get her back, but also he gives a complete guide named “Train your girlfriend” as a bonus to help you keep her after you get her back. You can read a complete review of the ex2 system here or you can listen to Matt’s free audio presentation here. ( Hint: the video may take some time to start so wait about 5 to 10 seconds for the video to load because there are too many people trying to access the server and watch that video).

MEN can watch their free video for men here and WOMEN can also access their free video for women here.

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About Ali

Ali is the one behind Relationshippa.com. He created this Relationship Advice Blog to share what he has learned through the past 7 years about psychology, women, and relationships to help you control your love life.

Find Ali on Facebook, Google+, and Twitter.

Comments

  1. Thanks for sharing, please keep an update about this info. love to read it more. i like this site too much. Good theme .

  2. Joe Seals says:

    Hey Ali,

    What a great post and blog. The no contact rule has worked for me in the past a few times. Sometimes women need to have things taken away to realize how important some things really are. They over time will take a good man for granted and the only answer is to take that good man out their life. Live without it and let’s see how you do.

    I’ll be back to read more on this site.

  3. coach outlet says:

    Great web site. Lots of useful information here. I am sending it to a few friends ans additionally sharing in delicious. And certainly, thanks for your effort!

  4. Mike says:

    That’s a great quote: “The more someone is interested in a relationship, the less power he will have”
    So true, unfortunately for the one who loves harder.
    Thanks for your great insights.

  5. Isoki says:

    NO CONTACT definitely works! My man used no contact on me and I was miserable. At that time we were in a relatively new relationship; only a couple of months. The first few days were manageable as I was certain to hear to from him once things cooled down (I hadn’t called him either). After the first week I began to REALIZE that he was not communicating so I called and sent him a text and he didn’t answer and never responded. OMG! I was a nervous wreck. It’s true through no contact you automatically begin generating feelings and emotions even if completely unfounded. You begin to romanticize this perfect relationship that is now lost forever. All of a sudden I was CERTAIN that I was in love and couldn’t be without him. Not bragging, but (normally) I’m secure, very independent woman, I’m also considered to be very attractive. Basically I thought my sh*t didn’t stink! He didn’t know it but emotionally he had me eating out of the palm of his hand. The more secure the woman appears to be, the more torturous the NO CONTACT presents. He had me so wrapped up and preoccupied with thinking about him, I couldn’t look at another man, much less go on a date. Even as I attempted a few dates, it only magnified my “feelings” for him. Serious psychological warfare, but “as a man (in this case woman) thinkith, so is he.” As far as I was concerned he became the only man for me.

    Okay, this torture lasted 26 days. Yes fella’s we count the days. Within the No Contact period he text me twice responding to my text basically telling me that he was no longer interested. Simply “I’m not interested.” Even the simple text gave me a glimmer of hope as a slight response was better than no response at all. Just enough to keep me on a string. Finally I decided to let a little time pass (reverse no contact), about a week and I text him an icebreaker “are you still trippin’ sweetie? Lol” He responded . . . I drew back a little more. . . distanced out my communication, I drew back a little more and he began to communicate. It’s wonderful because we now have a new appreciation for each other. After no contact there’s a stronger opportunity to cultivate authentic friendship too. He admitted that he’d missed me too. In his absence I was able to identify some of the mistakes that I was making in our relationship. Although I genuinely liked him, I was also taking him for granted. I was also dated other men in the beginning of our relationship. He taught me a thing or two! During no contact I had no choice but to examine my behavior in the relationship (even things he was unaware of) and correct it. I also regard his needs and feelings much more than before. No contact definitely works! You have to stick with it, because only time gives your companion the opportunity to miss you, become introspective, and put themselves in check! They have to FEEL as though they have lost you. You don’t want to interrupt the process before your man/woman has an opportunity to come full circle and REALIZE and process their emotions. I also developed more respect for him for having the testicular fortitude (balls) to take control. If he hadn’t put his foot down I would’ve missed out on a wonderful experience. He’s my heart!

    • Ali says:

      Interesting story.
      I also agree that After no contact there’s a stronger opportunity to cultivate authentic friendship too. Well said.
      Wish you stay together forever and thanks for telling us about your personal experience.

      • Belize says:

        Hey Ali! I really enjoyed reading your article. does No Contact equally work on men? My boyfriend used No contact on me and got me back. . . much like Isoki’s post, I was eating out of the palm of his hand. Anyway after I returned he started taking me for granted. I know he cares about me, but he also plays this Alpha Male, nonchalant role. Sometimes I wonder if he’s a player seeing other women or if he’s a recluse. Either way I try to give him space, as I don’t have proof of anything else going on.
        Long

    • nabil shami says:

      we ll iguess it is the best way to follow, i started it a couple of month with my ex GF and she kept sending me sms telling am i allowed to check on you? and i never replied, i wonder if this rule will apply to my case since my ex GF before we met she have many friends and still to go out with probably may be a distraction for her and a good reason not to remember me anymore i wonder, by the way she is a handicap (blind)

      • Ali says:

        If you loved each other, No contact will work as long as the relationship is not that short (3 months or less).

  6. Belize says:

    Hey Ali! I really enjoyed reading your article. does No Contact equally work on men? My boyfriend used No contact on me and got me back. . . much like Isoki’s post, I was eating out of the palm of his hand. Anyway after I returned he started taking me for granted. We get along so well, I know he cares about me, but he also plays this Alpha Male, nonchalant role, a bit controlling. Otherwise he treats me fairly well. Sometimes I do wonder if he’s a player seeing other women or if he’s a recluse. Either way I try to give him space, as I don’t have proof of anything else going on. Also we’ve been dating about 8 months.

    Long story short, we got into what I thought was a discussion/minor argument ( I asked him if he was dealing with someone else.) In the past I’ve asked him candidly about our relationship. He’s communicated that he doesn’t want me seeing anyone else, but he’s never identified if was committing to a relationship with me. He’s told me that there’s no one else. Anyway after I questioned him he got upset said I didn’t trust him and refused to talk to me. normally if he’s “pissed off” he’ll ignore my calls or text. He’s very stubborn and this can go on forever. After I apologize and gravel he’s normally satisfied, eases up a little and we’re back to our regular dating routine. After this argument, really more like a discussion he said he wasn’t talking to me because of my behavior and would only respond via text. However this time when he began ignoring me, I went into No Contact. It’s been over a month and we haven’t communicated at all. . . I miss him a lot but through implementing no contact my desire is to create a more balanced relationship. What do you think?

  7. Belize says:

    I’m also a chess player and as i don’t play games in relationship I do see the necessity for some strategy. If you’re available can you share your strategy on how I should move forward in getting him back? I’m ready and anxious for the challenge!

    • Ali says:

      Hi Belize,
      Actually, some men try to get back with their exes because they simply do not want to accept the fact of being dumped especially when the are stubborn like your boyfriend.. So they use no contact but after the ex girlfriend becomes a girlfriend again, they see that they have satisfied their egos needs and that’s all what they want.

      Anyway, you do not have to repeat his mistake and try to get him back just because you want to get him to fall for you exactly like the old days.
      I am afraid that a relationship like this is not promising at all as i understand that it is a 8 month relationship and about 2 months of them were consumed in No contact!!

      My advice is to try to get over him for your sake.

      May be, i am missing something as i do not know enough about you, your love, and the whole story…In such a case, just let me know… Good luck :)
      Ali recently posted..Why Do I Dream About My Ex?!My Profile

      • Belize says:

        Hey Ali! Thanks for your advice. . . .

        • Ali says:

          Welcome..

          • Belize says:

            You’re a a sweetheart Ali but we (women) need you to let us in on the psychological game! Give us the real 411. Relationships aren’t as simple as June and Ward Cleaver (Leave it to Beaver may be a little ahead of your time) anymore. These men are running psychological games on us daily. In many cases we have no defense. Back in the day relationships weren’t so complicated. Before the invent of cell phones, if a man was interested in a woman he’d give you a home telephone number (land line.) This dynamic alone made connecting easier because you were able to discern if someone else was in the picture. With access to internet it’s an entirely different ball game.

            I can appreciate your thoughtful perspective, but nowadays dating for a women is like being in a den of thieves. No matter what . . . at the end of the day we want our man. My bad! I just realized that your site lends advise to smart men. Maybe you’ll start a website/site teaching women the rules of the game; male psychology 101. Again thanks so much for your thoughtful advice and speedy response to my post. I’ll update you when I get this dog back in check. xoxo

            • Ali says:

              Personally, i think that just like there are good men, there are good women and just like there are jerky guys, there are emotional vampires and drama queens.
              You are welcome dear :)

  8. Belize says:

    Okay this is my last comment. . . I agree there are some really wonderful men out there. I also agree that both men and women can be equally emotionally abusive, I’ve encountered both even if just on a friendship level. You do seem a little bias as you’ve given men exemplary advise on how to confuse a woman (effects of no contact on your girl.) I’m not mad at you, however my initial question was does this psychology equally work on men? After connection anything is possible.

    BTW I enjoyed your article The Heart Myth.

    • Ali says:

      Lol, you can comment at anytime.

      And no i am not biased. I just do what this blog has to do- serious and uncommon advice for men. This is what i have learned and i want to share it with men, however i am seriously thinking about making another section for women as well, especially that i am receiving daily emails from women asking for my advice.

      For your question, yes reverse psychology works the same for both men and women, but the way you use it should be different in case of men than in case of using it with women, and this is another huge article, but the effect is the same.

      For the advice here, it almost works both for men and women, however as i said, i am writing my articles with men in mind.

      And, again.. You are welcome to visit, comment, email me or whatever at anytime. This is what relationshippa.com is supposed to be :)

  9. Rodriguez says:

    Hello Ali!
    My girlfriend dumped me after we did our aniversary, I felt horrible! I´m in a law school, and I was one of the best of my class and thanks to her my grades were not even good after the break up, but after she broke up with me I felt very lost and I didn´t know what to do, I made pressure and didn´t worked, I tried everything, but it simply didn´t worked out. She said that she wanted space, and I had done that too. We passed a real good times togheter, we did everything for each other. And that was one of the reasons that made me even go deeper. Our history was really a true love one. I will try everything to keep my mind occupied. I will use this tecnic and I am absolutly sure that will work, she is very jealous but strong women. Thanks for all the advices, I hope this work my friend. (Sorry about some mistakes in my english)
    Again, thanks for everything!

    • Ali says:

      The key to become emotionally strong is to become less dependent on the relationship and your partner. If you managed to handle yourself and your emotions alone during No contact, then you will never suffer after a breakup like what happened and you will be able to aget her back as well. Good luck :)

      • Rodriguez says:

        Sorry to disturb you again! But tell me, whe had a wonderfull relationship, she said to me that she loved me, but when her ex fighted for her again, she went to me, and now he tried again, but she didn´t gave him a yes or a no. She created a lot of facebooks and other things, and when I talk with her she is so cold with me, and i´m in a total mess. No contact rule can really help me, even with this situation? She said that she needed space, and we are not togheter since a month. Can you help me with this Ali? Sorry to disturb…

        • Ali says:

          Yes, no contact may help you but if you want my advice, then i have to tell you that nothing can help you except for you! You have to become less dependent on people.. Start no contact with one goal in your mind “I will become more emotionally strong and i will never keep depending on a relationship like before”, do not start no contact with your girl in mind because you have to think about yourself first then if she comes then you have the choice to accept her or reject her and if she does not come, then guess what?? you will become even a better man during No contact period and guess what else?? you will find another woman that is better than your girl and who will even love you more for what you became. Stand your ground man and never forget that you are a man and you have to stay strong.

          • Rodriguez says:

            You really are awesome, thanks for the advices, it really helped me to understand what I am doing wrong and what I have to do to get better. You are 100% correct, and I will do everything you said, I am really greatful, thank you a lot!

            • Ali says:

              Welcome! Keep me updated via email of your progress and never hesitate to contact me if you need help. This is why i created this blog.

  10. Melody22 says:

    Hi Ali.

    First and foremost, I enjoyed your article and I will be reading more of your other materials. Basically, me and my boyfriend split about a month ago. I ended the relationship simply because I felt like we didn’t have a connection and it looked like I was more serious, we got back together last year November and I think it was our 2nd time trying. He left me before with petty exuse but this time he was very serious. When we got back together, we both had a long and mature conversation and I highlighted areas which needed improvements. Nevertheless, he promised I will see new side to him but for some reason he keeps everything to himself (our relationship was long distance) and because of our lack of communication I felt unhappy and more of a friend. Anyway, to cut long story short when I ended it, he was very resistant but he let me go but insisted many times he want to remain friends and wanted me to be part of his life somehow. The problem is, I think he might use this as an excuse to get back with me because frankly we don’t talk at all and that’s why I don’t see no purpose in this. He was very adamant to be friends, and even said it’s hard to remain friends with someone he’s been with but insisted I was an exception. Tbh, I know we are capable of so much more, it’s a shame we’re both on different planets at times and I am done with putting more effort in.

    My question to you is, what do you make of his request to remain as a friend? Is he trying the NC rule on me? And also, his birthday is coming up soon, should I break the NC rule and wish him a happy birthday? Thank you!

  11. Ali says:

    Welcome Melody!

    From what you said i can say that this is a long distance relationship based on “need” not “love” and while you cannot love each other the normal way like any couple, you simply are still in need to each other.

    Now, you no longer need him like before, but the problem is that he still needs you and became even more needy as a reaction to your decision about the relationship, and that’s why he wants to stay friends with you. He simply wants to start a rebound relationship with you to get over you! in other words, he just wants to use you to get over you or to have the time to adapt to the new situation.
    what should you do?? it depends on what you really want from him and from this relationship.
    in order to understand what i mean, check this article: http://www.relationshippa.com/should-you-stay-friends-with-your-ex-girlfriend/
    I write all my articles with men in mind, but you can simply read the article and apply its advice as it works for both men and women.
    Good luck :)
    Ali recently posted..Love at First Sight 101My Profile

  12. Melody22 says:

    Hi Ali!

    Yes, you have touched upon a key phrase which my sister said to me over and over again, that is the word ‘need’. Now, what you have said could be well true but I suspect the reason why he want to remain friends is to try again so most likely rebound like you mentioned. I don’t think it is because he can’t find anyone else or to get over me but because he fears he won’t find anyone ‘better’ than me and so keeps me as a ‘reservation’ *lol* simply because it will give him a secure option to fall back on. I know this because he told me when we got back together last year.

    The reason why he takes me for granted is because ‘I let him’ so it is my fault, very harsh but true. He clearly takes advantage of my good nature because I’ve noticed he slacks off and tries less to connect as soon as he is certain I’m in it for the long haul because at this stage he will realise he doesn’t have to prove himself to me. Think about it, I didn’t challenge him as hard as I should have in the beginning so why would he want to change when he doesn’t have no reason to believe he should.

    Anyways, if he does contact me and try to pull same tricks, and I’m certain he will, I will give him the harsh reality by making it clear that we will never be together and that he had his chance(s). As soon he gets the message, I’m sure he will pull it together and try harder than ever but by then my interest will be long gone. Consider this as a close chapter!

    Thank you very much for the advice, and I will check out the link now.

  13. wishmash says:

    ali i have sent you an email also , please do reply that :) i mean i broke up with my girlfriend some 3 days back and now she is responding to my messages over facebook so well, and i am wishing her mom as well thru her good night as always and her mom also likes me and obviously sad….but dnno she will forget me soon anyway :D but what to do with this girlfriend of mine…she is seeing someone else …her classmate…who she thinks is very caring and gente supportive…i mean you know…and she thinks i will beat her cause i most of the times used to get angry on her but i used to criticise or scold her only for her good and she always used to be with that guy telling that he is just a friend…why am i so jealous :D literally this is a 1.5 years long distance relationship….she thinks i try to take control most of the times….but yesterday she spoke with me well…and wished me good night and all these you know…and when i wished her like emotionally…may you be get what you want and may be always happy bla bla bla…then she was like oh dont talk like as if we wont message each other at all…and aways poking me and today also she poked…but i dint respond…so what next…waiting for your reply… ;)

  14. Mason says:

    Hi Ali. My girlfriend of 1 year and 4 months broke up with me last week out of the blue. She had said that she didn’t feel the same way anymore but I couldn’t believe her because the previous week we had passionate sex and everything felt so right. I’m wondering if this no contact rule will make her rediscover the love for me she had earlier because she had been madly in love with me to the poit where she was talking about future kids and me getting her a promise ring. We’re both 20 and she said she needed space and that we need to find ourselves. I did the mistake by driving to her place and begging for her to take me back which only pushed her farther away and made her more angry. I asked if I could kiss her one last time which also made her angry. I even contacted her sister and best friend on what I should do and yet all said there was nothing they could do. I really love her and I don’t want to lose her.

  15. alllan@live.com says:

    Do you have privat email adress my masteAli?
    I want to ask you å personal question?
    Can you please email me at
    (email has been removed to prevent spam. I am very keen on my readers privacy)

    Thnx

  16. Ken says:

    So, me and my girl have been together for 1.5 years and we recently broke up in February cause she hacked my Facebook account and seen i had messed around with a girl. Cheating is cheating, I admit, but I had a reason why, I asked her to come spend the previous weekend with me and she agreed but didn’t show up and didn’t communicate with me properly so instead of arguing and assuming what she was doing, I hung out with my boys the following weekend and hooked up with a old one nite fling. So that fueled my “cheating” and it’s the reason we aren’t together right now. She claimed she cheated back but who knows, she’s seriously the type to lie n say stuff just to mess with my head..I really dont care. She came over a little a week ago, I greeted her at the door with a kiss, a hug followed by conversation, full body massage, and we had the best sex we’ve had in a very very very long time. we argued and almost went on a date, a few days ago. I naturally had ALOT of control in the relationship because im a leader in my circle and i step up and lead in the community nd now she’s trying to get some. I could’ve easily replaced her but she’s my love and I’m hers, she has my name tattooed on her and told me “I’m in love with you, I just refuse to come back to you too quick” along with non meaningful angry cussing text. she loves the hell outta me and I love her too but I think it’s time I give her some air and step back from this so she can see how important we are….should I do this or give it up? Our relationship is deeper than most and we’ve been through the worst and the finer living conditions

  17. Alex says:

    Ali,

    I was in a long term relationship with my girlfriend and she recently decided to end things between us for her to do some self finding/see if this is what she really wants. I applied to no contact rule for several days but did break my silence to her through a text. She responded and then i called her. She reiterated her feelings and said give some time for her to think about it. How effective is the no contact rule if I start it over again since I have already broken it and probably looked desperate and weak.

    • Ali says:

      No contact can still work in your case provided that you stick to it. Right now, she thinks that it’s a matter of time and you will come running after her but with your actions she will start doubting her belief about you. After a while, she will test you to make sure that you are still hers but again with you sticking to no contact like a real man, she will realize that you are serious and then you will exchange the roles and things will start to work in your favor.Just be confident and patient.

  18. Aaron says:

    Hi Ali,

    Your doing a great job with your support on here!
    Just emailed you please please respond!

    Many thanks,
    Aaron

  19. rodney says:

    my ex broke up with me a few weeks back, wanted to be alone, not play house, that sorta thing. she is going thru a lot of stuff right now but i feel i was always there for her. since the breakup she texts me every other day or so, i’ve responded but just answering her questions, nothing really deep at all. i have not initiated any contact with her but i am now finding it more and more difficult to get over her because she is still texting me. im going to send her a text tomorrow asking her to stop texting me to give myself an opportunity to heal and be able to get over her and move on. is this a good idea in your opinion?

    • Ali says:

      It depends whether you still want her or not, but i can guess that you just need her to provide you with the same emotions that you got used to. So if this is the case, then be decisive when telling her to stop messaging you and be serious about it, then in the next time try to avoid girls that bring lots of drama to your life.

  20. Joe says:

    Hi Ali,

    Me and my girlfriend of 3 years just broken up 2 weeks ago. She goes to school in anouther city about 2 hours away. when she came down last week she said that ” I was the best boyfriend that she could have asked for” and she started tearing up and had to stop talking. She also told me that she doesn’t want to just waste 3 years but that she just wants to see me change but that it would be a while before we get back together. She went back this Monday and I haven’t really heard from her. I’m confused becuase it sounds like she does still want something with us but then her not contacting me makes me think maybe not. What advice can you give me? and how should I approach this?

    • Ali says:

      As i always say, actions speak louder than words. If you are confused, then DO NOT PAY ANY ATTENTION TO WHAT A WOMAN SAY, instead watch her actions. In your case, just wait a week or so and see how she acts and you have to be aware of something that is very important.. If she really likes you and you are the best boyfriend as she told you, then she should accept you as you are and not ask you to change or make it a condition to get back with you again.

      So if her actions are against what she says, then my advice is to stay away from her, you will never be happy with such a woman.

  21. Jose says:

    Ali, this is very motivational, my fiancé actually broke up with me. She and I have been with each other for three years and she says she doesn’t know if she loves me anymore, it’s been 1 week and I haven’t done no contact. But I am starting today but the hardest part is our daughter how can I apply no contact when we have a child together? Again thanks alot ali this gives me so much more hope

  22. Amy says:

    My boyfriend broke up with me about 1 mounth ago, I tried to contact him 2 times after the breakup and he never responded to my emails.
    I know I make a mistake by contacting him, but our love was so strong that the breakup was only because of too much pressure surroundings from his side.
    I need advise, since he is ignoring me completly does that mean that I lost him forever?
    Can I start the no contact rule now, or it is too late after I did tried to contact him 2 times?
    what can I do about this, and is there any chance that he might contact me again?
    and if I can start the no contact now, for how long should I wait?

    • Ali says:

      No Contact is NOT about him. It is about you so you should not wait for him. The goal of no contact is to make you a better person and you can think of the no contact period as a self improvement period and at its end you either win your new “you” or your new “you” plus your ex back AS A BONUS.. that’s it.

      Now.. i think that the “too much pressure” is nothing more than a lame excuse..I know everybody here got bored from the sentence “Actions speak louder than words” but in fact it worth repeating over and over again.. if he is really into you, he simply will not leave you and this is regardless of any excuses.
      wanna my advice?! start no contact for yourself at the first place and if he comes, you have the right to accept him back or to reject him (which happens in most cases by the way) and if he does not come then who cares?!! IT IS A BONUS AFTER ALL.

      Good luck :)

      • Amy says:

        Hi;
        Thank you so much for your answer. I am very convinced about the no contact rule, but it hurts too much.
        When I love someone so much, and all of the sudden he is completly out of my life, it is too much to bear,
        I was trying too hard not to contact him, and I failed two times, Iam scared that I would fail again, and this will hurt even more.
        And another problem comes out with the facebook connection, every time I look at his page, I feel so sad…I do want to heal, and I don`t know for how long this will continue to be too hard.
        So, are you saying he didn`t realy love me in the first place?
        and what should I do to carry on with the no contact without too much suffering?
        Thank you so much for the time you are taking to read my message

        • Ali says:

          Sorry for my late response. Relationshippa.com is suffering from some technical issues.
          Being a human and not a robot, you have to suffer. All of us have to suffer after a breakup but some of us continue our daily activities and others just give up on everything.
          The secret not to suffer a lot and even to have a higher chance to get him back is TO START LOIVING YOURSELF MORE THAN HIM AND TO THINK ABOUT YOURSELF MORE THAN HIM. TO FOCUS ON YOUR PROGRESS NOT HIS AND TO BE A LITTLE SELFISH.. THIS WAY you will have solid self confidence and you will even become le3ss dependent on the relationship and men will respect this and will find you even more attractive.

  23. Savannah says:

    Hi ali,
    I really need your help me and my ex boyfriend broke up 6 months ago, he broke up with me because I had lied about several things we had nc for the duration of that 6 months that was the hardest thing I ever had to do, then we recently got in contact due to a grievance on his side of the family so I decided to send him a message letting him know I’m there for him if he needed me, to my suprise he responded saying thank you, then he brought up our breakup and asked me why I had lied and that he had so much love me me why did I take advantage of him an that he didn’t get why I did it, I replied that I was sooo sorry it was the biggest mistake of my life and that I don’t actually know why I had done it just I was in a dumb frame of mind and had a lot of insecurities at the time, he said ok I accept your apology and its the past now its water under the bridge. Then he started talkin to me asking me how I have been nd sked me why it took so long to contact him, I explained cause I was scared of his reaction etc. Then for the next 2 weeks he messaged me everyday flirting with me talking to me bringing up our old memories, we started talking about arranging to have sex when he got back from jamaica and when he landed I went to see him @ his house and yes we had sex, since then iv expressed my love for him by messages and he doesn’t really respond just says stuff like OK… He wants us to keep having sex but I told him how this would make me attached and make it virtually impossible to move on as I love him still, he said you know I respect you so why can’t you just have some fun, we both enjoy it.. At this point my heart started to get hurt thinking he only wants me for sex. I have his name tattooed on me and I informed him that I was going to get it removed and he told me to piss off and was annoyed that I wanted to do so.. I don’t get it because if he doesn’t want to be with me then why get annoyed about that? We also had a conversation about how he was good with diy and he responded with yh and now all I need is a sexy girl that can see that and not violate.. He knows how I feel why say that ? So I played it cool nd said dnt worry you will find that girl easy ur a great man. He responded with I really doubt it, there are no great girls out there anymore. I just said stop worrying you will definitely find the one. I also said I’m glad we had this conversation it made me realise a lot of things.. Thankyou. He replied with what are you thanking me for? I just said you opened my eyes and made me see sense that’s all.. He replied what some bullshit about you knowing who the right man is for you. I said look just thanku. He replied with hve a great life with who ever it is.. I didn’t reply. Then a couple days past and he messaged me saying are you still on a mad one? I replied no I’m in a good mood today lol.. He said good and asked how my day was going we conversated as normal.. Then we had no contct for. A Few days which kinda annoyed me and I ended up changing my number… I dnt know what to do now as I’m missing him like crazy and we were on good terms.. Do you think I can stil get him back? Btw when we were together we lived together for the 6 months that we were couple and nearly had a baby together unfortunately I had a misscarriage and lost our baby.. Just thought I’d mention that our relationship was serious. Plz help me I’m so in love with him..I just can’t read his emotions towards me

    • Ali says:

      Okay.. I will divide my answer into two parts. What you want and what he wants.
      First i want you to understand that your relationship after the first breakup is no longer like it was. You have lied and he was in love with you, but after the breakup he as any human passed through the first and second stages of grief after a breakup which are the shock then the anger stage. He was angry and was wondering why you did so and lied to him and after a while he missed you which made him transfer to the third stage which is the bargaining stage and it was a nice chance for him when you messaged him and so he responded and you got back together again, and while every thing seemed to be fine like before, it wasn’t the case for him.
      As a man i can tell you for sure that he wanted to prove for himself that he does not care for you and in the best scenarios, you are nothing more than a sex tool. This is actually what he tried to prove so that he could feel more confident and less dependent on the relationship and so in no need to you.
      So, if he gets the sex, he gets ALL what he wants and even become more confident that he deserves someone better than you (i know it may sound harsh but he tries to frame you as a “bad” woman who is not honest and who can be used for sex not love). This is the part regarding what he wants.

      Now, what do you want? him? i do not think so. Simply because he is not the guy you loved. He is another guy now. He does not love you. He just needs you to prove something which i do not think you will like.

      You have made some mistakes and you have to pay for them. My advice is to forget about him and to never let him use you or abuse you. It is the end.Just think about the future and about avoiding repeating the same mistakes again when you find next mr. right.

      Good luck

  24. luke says:

    dear ali my girlfrgiend of 2 and a half years broke up with me last wk , she did it when she was mad at me and did it in a nasty way through text , i texted her a few times to try and talk but she would reply coldly and told me to go away and stay away from her , i didnt contact her a few days and then two days ago i called her and she anwered and we were on the phone for almost thirty mins but i did all the talking and just apologized for being an ass and being inconsiderate and stuf and it was a sincere apology but all i got after was ‘i must be up early tommormow ,, goodnight ‘ .. i havnt spoken to her since neither has she with me , she puts up tweets making her seem happy and put up a pic with a smile in it , i think that may be to get at me but i don’t know , we go to thdd same school so we see eachother around but dont look at eachother and stufd it hurts me alot … she is very stubborn and seems like she doesnt care … i feel like i should call her tonight and tel her how i feel becuz we broke before and that worked but we never broke up this long , i need advice , should i tell her that i agree with the break up and do no contact or try tel her how i feel , im realy confused and hurting right now please help

    • Ali says:

      Frankly speaking, this girl does not respect you. She does not even consider you as a man. This is actually because of you letting her control you and the relationship. If you want my advice, then all what you have to focus on right now is to become a real man, an alpha male who every woman respects. And in fact, there is a high possibility that working on this issue will get her to respect you and start to see you in a different way.
      For now, focus on improving this first and the results will be rewarding :)
      If you have any questions, i would be glad to help.
      Good luck.

      • luke says:

        Thank you for the advice , rhe text me saying it was also her fault but it wasnt too genuine , should i text her back , thank you again my friend

        • Ali says:

          If you still want her back after this message, then it is okay to reply but pretend to be less interested or a little bit cold and whenever you see that she is trying to control you or disrespect you then be a little bit tough and put yourself and your manhood first and be willing to walk away. More about this here: http://www.relationshippa.com/how-to-get-the-power-back-in-a-relationship/
          However, if you are not sure or you just feel like you do not want to get back again with her, then tell her that she has lost you out of her attitude and that it is over.

  25. Jim says:

    My name is Jim and I have been dating my girlfriend for 6 years from high school to college. She is 20 and I’m 21. Lately she has been going clubbing lately with her friends and got hit on by other guys. One day she came to me and said she lost the spark for me and that she only sees me as her friend. She also said she wanted to see what is out there and explore but I think if she really love me she wouldn’t do it and she has pressure from her friends because they are all single and talk to guys alot. I told her I can’t be her friend as I lover her more than a friend. The other day, I posted on my facebook wall that I’m going back home and she contacted me asking when I’m going back. I did replied and said maybe summer. What do you think my situation is? Do you think I can win her back? I also saw in her phone that she been texting other guy. I really need your advice. All my friends are telling me to move on but I really love her and I really wanted to marry her.

    • Ali says:

      She is 20 and is dating you for six years which means that you started dating each other when she was just 14!! She was really really young and you as well. My advice is to mirror her e.g. to start seeing and dating other girls and not to limit your options.
      Just do that right now and after a while either you will forget about her and realize that it was not love or she will get back to you when she realizes that you are mr. right and then it will be your decision to accept or to reject her.

  26. my destiny says:

    Hi Ali,
    Great site. Thank u.
    To put it simple and short: After a three years of relationship I broke up with my GF (future wife) 7 months now and it hurts crazy. Last message was on December 31st wishing her happy new year and she responded right away wishing the same. Since then NC. For me, it’s the best way to chow her how strong I am because she disrespect me many times. On my side, I lied many times on some small issues.
    I want to break the NC rule and call her on May 28 as it’s her birthdays. I know that she is waiting for real action not word: I promised to marry her and provide a roof.
    So, my question is: Should I contact her or move on?

    Once again, thank you so much Ali for kindness. Congrats for your site.

  27. my destiny says:

    Another question if you don’t mind: What does it mean her quick answer of my last message on December 31st? Is a green light to contact her? I know she is really a stubborn and very strong.

    Thank you Ali.

    • Ali says:

      Yes she may be missing you, but you need to understand that there is no shame to be the one who starts the contact, but what is really shameful is to beg or to cry while thinking that she is very strong or in fact stronger than you. It is okay to be a man. Be proud of your manhood!

  28. my destiny says:

    Great Ali,
    Thank you for yr answer. You know what? I am really stronger than ever because I learnt a lot behind this story. I am another guy today. This story learns me how to deal with my self and with others. A man must be a real man. And real man must strengthen his ability to stand strong. A man must take the lead and should be unshakable of course with respect.
    However, I want to ask these questions:
    1- How is she going to see my personality as I really beg and send flowers three times right after she stopped answering my texts / calls?
    2- Is this the purpose of the NC rule?

    Thank you once Ali.Your great.

    • Ali says:

      Do not worry. She will change the way she thinks about you, but this heavily depends on your behavior in the next days. However, i still do not like that you are putting a lot of weight to her opinion about you. Purpose of no contact is “You change for your own sake”. Remember, if you are doing all what you are doing for her sake and not for your sake then she will continue to have the power in the relationship because you want to please her (but in a new form) so be careful.

  29. Jim says:

    So I just have to wait for her and work on myself trying to date other girls. I wouldn’t want her back if she goes out with a guy/ sleep with a guy. I really value her because I was her first to everything.

    • Ali says:

      It is really awesome to be her first, but What is really important is to be her last. This is what really counts, the future not the past!

      • Jim says:

        Hi Ali, just another question. I invited my ex girlfriend to my birthday party because we have mutual friends and I felt bad for her. Did I made a wrong move?

  30. Hey Ali, I emailed you privately yesterday, approximately how long till I recieve a response?

    Thanks, love your site!

    • Ali says:

      I have replied all the emails in my inbox, so if you did not receive my answer, then please consider sending the email again or send it to messages of relationshippa.com facebook fan page if you have a facebook account.

  31. George says:

    I personally contacted you Ali from an alternate email. Just want to make sure you recieved it. I emailed it on wednesday.

    Thanks so much

    • Ali says:

      I have replied to all the emails in my inbox, so if you did not receive my answer, then please consider sending the email again or send it to messages of relationshippa.com facebook fan page if you have a facebook account.

  32. my destiny says:

    Your right Ali. I didn’t pay attention to that.
    I am indeed at 100% focus on what she is going to think/say once she will notice what I become. My self awareness is totally absent from my may of thinking and behaving.

    Thank you Ali.

  33. Amy says:

    I applied the no contact since April 1 after I tried to send him few emails an calling him with no responce from his side.
    So it has been a month since Iam applying the no contact rule, and I have few questions:
    - How long could it take of waiting and still hope that he might contact me again?
    - did my emails and calles after the beakup ruined my chances of getting him back? even though I started the no contact after that?
    - Should I do any thing during the no contact, or I just have to stay siliene?
    Thanks and I will appreciate your answers

    • Ali says:

      - You should not wait! You work on yourself and get the power back while giving him the time to miss you and you have to be willing to walk away so that it works.
      - No you still have the chance as long as you stop begging and change that attitude and stick to you new you.
      - Again, you actually do not have to stay silent :) or even wait for him. There is a lot to improve in your personality. I recommend that you start by working on your self esteem so even if things do not go to the right direction, then you will be able to move on because of your new high self esteem.
      Let me know if there is something else you want to ask about.

      • Amy says:

        Thank you so much for your answer, I realy appreciate that I can explain to you what Iam going through..
        and actulay, yes, I have some questions turturing me…
        - could he be in a new relationship by now, and Iam still waiting for him? could love be replaced in 2 months this easy? and for me I can`t until now open my heart to another guy..it seems impossible for me???
        - I don`t know what to do about facebook matter, it is turture, I always go to his page looking for clues, and I can`t communicate with my friends freely, because Iam always thinking what he will think…should I deactivate my account? but in this case I will loose all my friends online..this is big problem for me, please what should I do?
        - and the most important question, how long of no contact going on, and I can still expect him to come back to me ? or to say: he is gone forever?from a man prospective..how long he needs to miss me and to decide to come back????
        I want to thank you again, this means alot to me, because I realy need someone to talk to …
        thank you, and I will be waiting for your answers

        • Ali says:

          Hey Emy,
          You have to understand that no contact is about improving your self, giving him space and time to miss you, and getting some of your lost power back. So can someone guarantee that no contact will always work?? Definitely no, however, the awesomeness of no contact is that it gives you plan B or an alternative as it enables you to stand your ground and survive the breakup when there is no hope of getting back together with your ex.

          Now, what should you do?
          In my opinion, the most important two things for a woman to do during no contact are:
          1- To work on your self esteem, and to become more confident and independent.
          2- To work on your look e.g. to lose some extra weight or to gain some if you are too skinny.

          Men weakest point is their eyes andwhat actually can impress your ex boyfriend is when he finds that you are now even more attractive and attractiveness cannot be expressed (from a man perspective) better than a beautiful and confident woman.
          Ali recently posted..The Importance Of Self Confidence!My Profile

  34. helene santos says:

    Hello ali,

    How effective is no contact rule? So here’s my story. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 2 years until he broke up with me last 2 weeks tru text. He said he never want to see me because i will only beg for him to come back. He blocked me in facebook, twitter, and i.g. and changed his number. His main reason for breaking up is that he doesnt love me anymore and i think he likes someone else. I don’t have any idea on what to do next, Im trying my best to move on but at somepoint i still want him back :((

    P.s he loves me so much before thats why our relationship last.

    • Ali says:

      You still want him back as a normal reaction to rejection but anyway, work on your looks and confidence while being in no contact. Also you can make posts that tell that you are happy and change privacy of your status updates on facebook to public so that if he checks your wall from another account, he can see those posts.

  35. my destiny says:

    Hi Ali,
    The 28th of may is the bday of my GF (future wife) and as I am in NC period I wonder whether to send her or not a text message!!
    It’s 5 months of NC and I am not ready yet. I still working on my self and don’t want to appear needy or desperate if she calls right after my sms (because knowing her she is going to do it to know what’s up.)
    What’s yr take on this? Short message like “Happy birthday” or no message at all?
    Thank you Ali.

    • Ali says:

      No problem and you still have two weeks to work on yourself. Just focus on confidence in the following days and if you still want to say happy birthday, then it is okay.

  36. Oliver says:

    Hi Ali,

    Great site. Keep up the good work.

    Me and my partner split 6 weeks. We were best friends, pretty inseparable, and absolutely perfect at our core. Everything was ideal and I wouldn’t, and I know she wouldn’t, have wanted anything more than what we had. Unfortunately, there were peripheral things that she’d warned me about before that affected the relationship and caused strain on it for the past 6 months out of a 2.5 year relationship. I fully at fault. I needed to change. Unfortunately, its taken this to happen to do that.

    To give you a brief run down in the simplest way: We split. I pleaded, begged etc. Did the flowers etc. Then I left her to give her space. I didn’t contact her for 12 days. And on the 12th day she text. Something about needing her Sat Nav back (she’s used her phone for that for the past 2 years) and being quite playful with me. Unfortunately, on the same day (post these texts) she received the handwritten letter that I had wrote along with some other cute things to get tugging at those heart strings. I heard nothing again. She didn’t read it for 4 days ‘as it hurt too much to bring herself to do it. I asked her to meet me a ‘our spot’ at a certain time, and she wasn’t there. She said she couldn’t be because she didn’t want to get upset reminiscing about how great we were and how it all got ruined. She cried on the phone to me, said goodbye and that was that. Until this weekend when we saw eachother out, all her friends (they certainly like a drink) jumped all over me verbally for trying to talk to her. It all kicked off. Sure you can imagine the scene. She’s been horrible since. Told me to leave her alone etc. But we had a nice chat at my request today, and smoothed things over. I’ve sent her a lovely message and I’m going to leave it at that. She has bad friends who she has avoided before, but they’ve been there for her through this. She knows I’ll always be there – I’ve stated it too often – but is that detrimental to me. And if so, what’s the best way forward from here? I don’t want to burn my bridges whatsoever, but I just need some good advice on where to go next with this.

    Not sure how relevant it is, but it’s my birthday this weekend, and I do expect some form of communication.

    Looking forward to hearing your response.

    Oliver.

    • Ali says:

      What you have to care about right now is not how not to lose her, but how to end this tough time.
      Actually, the end may come when you either get her back or get over her.
      Now, you are lucky because of your birthday and you have to use this weapon to reach an end. This end may be moving on and it may be getting back with her.
      The biggest mistake you can make is to get stuck in such a situation, so in next weekend, if you managed to make things work for you then fine otherwise, forget about her and find another girl.. simple like that!
      Regardless of the end, the next year should be happy either with her or without her.
      And happy birthday Oliver by the way :)

  37. CaliLove says:

    Hi Ali,
    Thank you for this post! My bf broke up with me a week ago after 2 months of dating. I was completely blindsided by his decision to end things, we were doing great! We did everything together and he was very consistant and very affectionate with me all they way up to the end (no fading out). There were no warning signs that suddenly his feelings would change. The reason he gave me was that he “just wasn’t feeling it” and that he didnt want to continue “going through the motions”. I accepted it without a fight and immediatly impleted the No Contact Rule. He has already contact me once asking me a question during NC, I gave him a dry one word reply and went right back to ignoring him. Although I have been using this time to get him off of my mind and better myself (this did make me learn a huge lesson about myself) I still have that fear deep inside that he may be gone for good. This has never happened to me, nor have I ever tried NC. What should I expect in this situation?

    • Ali says:

      In general, do not rely on decisions that other people may or may not make, simply because you are letting them control your life which is not fine at all.
      Anyway, and regardless of his reason to do so, you have to focus on yourself instead of what he is going to do and my advice is to expect the the worst scenario (which i actually think of as the best not the worst) which is that he will never get back to you, and so deal with this rejection by working on your self esteem. That’s it.

  38. spiel says:

    hey Ali!thanks a lot for this article,this is very informative.

    btw,im applying it now after 3 weeks when we break up,and I think its kinda working..shes texting me now but only once or twice a week,she greeted my mom a happy mothers day..and telled me to take care always.

    She starts sending me a short message in facebook telling me to talk with her in skype,i didnt refuse it,i just did not reply her…is that okay?im just confused cause i told her lately to talk to me in skype but she just said ‘later’ and i just logged out..
    What do you think?

    • Ali says:

      I think she just could not accept the fact that you ignored her or rejected her so she just wanted to prove for herself that you are still hers! now, i think such a woman is not going to make you happy and your happiness should come on top of your priorities list.

  39. Rosh says:

    Hi Ali, just read your article and it was amazing..so i was in a long distance relationship for 2 years everything was going smoothly until 2 months back when my girlfriend told me that she does not feel for me anymore..for 2-3 days i did not contact her at all since it was after that i realized her importance in mu life..i did all those things which i should not have like crying,begging making her feel guilty and all those stupid things that a guy is not suppossed to do..it has been a month now and i think i took her for granted during the relationship and now i feel very guilty of not doing all those things which a girl deserves..i know for a fact that shes not dating anyone as of now but im really disturbed and want her back desperately..although i know probably i have lost the chance but is there still anything that i can do..she says that she is really fond of me but she doesnt feel for me anymore because the distance is pinching her alot and when i asked her that we should meet for once she disagreed and now she is asking me to move on and says that she wants to be with a guy in her town as she feels jealous watching other couples..i know the situation is really bad and ive done the exact opposite things of what you have suggested..just wish i could have read this article before..but please help me out as i really want her back..

    • Ali says:

      To be honest, you have to find a way to live in the same town she lives in otherwise forget about her and find another girl. These two options are the only solutions you have right now.

  40. spiel says:

    thanks Ali, this article was very informative and i think it helps me and its kinda working.

    its been 3 weeks since we broke up…for a stupid reason and we’re on Long Distance Relationship.
    I just don’t see it as a “breakup” cause she never told me, she just left me and she says she needs space and i think No Contact Rule may still apply.

    on the first week, im still clingy, and so depressed..texting and bombarding her long emotional text begging her to come back to me..but that doesn’t really help..

    the day before her birthday, I sent her a self-made greeting card and she started texting me twice a week, she also texted me to greet my mom a happy mothers day and told me to take care always but i didn’t reply.

    she also sent me a message on facebook for us to talk in skype, at first I accept it..had a little talk,and keeps asking me about my work..i replied short messages and it ended when she already slept.she also told me to check my email and this was what she said..
    “I got your gift…. thank you…. your still here…. i just want to think… i want us to unwind from each other…. lets explore the other aspects of the world…. sorry…. i know its really painful… sorry… sorry…. May 24. I’ll come back… i’ll tell you what I would want to happen. Take care always… please be careful…”

    after a week, i sent her a message so we can talk in skype again but she just said “later” and i didn’t fucking wait cause nothings gonna happen..

    last night she sent me a message in facebook for us to talk in skype again but unluckily, i just logged out after i update my facebook status..i didn’t reply her and she likes this weird photo saying , “the more you show a person you can’t live without them, you are giving more reasons for them to take you for granted.”

    to me its weird cause i think she’s guessing im intentionally ignoring her to miss me more…what do you think?i think im gonna fail this one?please tell me Ali.

    btw, sorry for my poor english.lol.
    im from Philippines bro.

    • Ali says:

      When a woman says she needs space, she means “i want to break up with you but i do not want to heart you”. Any way and as i always say, if you can transform a LDR into a normal relationship then it is okay to try, otherwise it does not worth your efforts.

  41. jess says:

    Me and my ex have been dating for almost 2 years and we broke up in February but we’ve still been in contact with eachother since then nothing more just talking…recently he told me that he didn’t wanna be in a relationship right now but he still loves and cares for he admitted to me that he’s been talking to other girls recently (rebound) he says he just wants to be single he says he still wants me in his life but I can’t be his friend bc there are still so many feelings involved coming from the both of us…should I try the no contact to try to get him back or should I just move on?

  42. jess says:

    I’m so confused

    • Ali says:

      Yes try no contact, but for your information, when he asking u to be friends, he is actually using you as a rebound so never accept being friends with him.

  43. Joey Ryan says:

    She told me she didn’t want to be in a relationship.. and then i did what your not supposed to do which is beg and bug her… then i took a couple day break and sent her a letter apologizing about our realtionship and my behavior and told her i was gonna move on… she texted me a couple days that she appreciates the letter and forgives me… Obviously she still wants to not be in a relationship. I believe there is hope to better myself and imply the no contact rule. Anything else i should do as well?

  44. Joey says:

    Alright… Thank you for all your advice on this page and best of luck to everyone!

  45. Amy says:

    Hello:
    Hi Ali, thanks always for your advices, and here Iam now, sticking to the no contact rule as I promised to do, and actualy I do feel great bout this, and much more comfortable with myself, and here is my question related to my next step that I should or I should not do!!
    I am applying the no contact since 2 monthes and 1 week exactly, and since a week or so, he started to post things on his facebook page about missing his love, and wishing that his old relationship comes back,or wondering that he got forgetten by his special one…and things like that full of emotions.
    Now, what should I do? should I continue my no contact and silent situation until he does the next step and contact me?
    or should I contact him, before he get tired or think that I moved on completly??? because I realy don`t want to loose him, and I know what we have is very special.
    PLease, I need your advice, to know how the men think and what motivate them, and I realy appreciate your time and effort to support our situation.
    Thank you so much, and I will be looking forward to hear from you

    • Ali says:

      Just stick to what you are doing and in order to motivate him, be sure to take care of your facebook profile e.g. publish some photos in which you show that you are happy and enjoying you life without him… make a status update that delivers the same message. Take a photo in which you look cute with a beautiful smile that reflects your self confidence and put it as your profile picture and make sure that you edit the privacy of the pic to “public”.

  46. Amy says:

    Hi Ali:
    thank you so much for the fast responce, I realy needed it…
    Today was my birthday, he posted a very nice song that he is missing his love so much, he was on line playing computer games all the day long, and he never sent me a message to say ( happy birthay) to take it as a chance to talk to me…
    this made me confused, I realy don`t understand how the men think, and what is going on on his head now??
    Please, help me understand ????
    I will do exactly like you said by posting some nice pictures, and I have another question about the picture thing, my cover photoe on my facebook paage is a picture he chose it for me, and I still keeping it until now, is that a good thing or a bad thing? and should I change it or not?
    Thank you so much always for your time, and I will be looking forward for your answers

    • Ali says:

      By doing what i told you you are giving him a reason to contact you again. For the cover photo, yes changing it would be better.
      I just want you to work more on building your self confidence.. Believe me this will be useful more than you can imagine.

      • Amy says:

        Hello:
        Thank you very much, when I hear from you at least I started to feel like I know what Iam doing, because before I was so lost…
        I have a question now, if he needs a reason to contact me after about 3 monthes of being apart, was my birthday good enough for him? and since he passed it completly, what does that means in his head?
        I realy appreciate your responce always…

        • Ali says:

          What i mean by a “reason” is that there should be something that motivates him to take an action. Your birthday is NOT enough, simply because it does not shake him psychologically!
          An example of a reason is when a man feels like a woman is no longer in need for him which means that he is no longer important for her. Another example is when a woman starts flirting with or hanging out with another guy which induces the feel of loss e.g. losing her for the other guy and so on.
          My advice for you is: Stay strong. Amy is strong without her ex and she does not need confirmation from her ex, Ali, or any other person :)

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