Should You Stay Friends With Your Ex Girlfriend

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Staying friends with an ex is really a confusing question.jpg

Accepting friendship with your ex after being a lover can sometimes be very painful and tricky at the same time, so should you be friends with your ex in the real world or even on facebook?!!

Just search the internet for the subject: staying friends with an ex and staying friends with an ex on facebook, and you will find that there are many conflicting advice about the subject that confuse the normal person like you.

But do not worry. I will try to make it crystal clear for you, and show you the difference between staying friends with your ex in the real world and staying with an ex in the virtual world of social networks like facebook.

Note: In this article i assume that you have been dumped by your girl and the opposite.

Should you be friends with your ex-girlfriend/wife on facebook?

Well, It depends on your goal.

  • If you do not care about her anymore: So it doesn’t make a difference to stay friends with her or not. This is when you do not consider her as a lover nor even a friend. She is just someone you know or someone you have met one day and you do not care about meeting them again or not.
  • If you no longer want her in your life: when you should not be friends with her. This is when you are the one who ended the relationship and you do not even consider her as a friend. Another case is that some women are really dangerous after breakups. They may consider seeking revenge. In such a case, not only you should not be friends with her, but you should also cut all contact with her.
  • In case you want her back:  you must not be friends with her. Again, IF YOUR GOAL IS TO GET HER BACK THEN  it’s a must not to stay friends with her. if you see this as counter intuitive or un logic, then do not worry, I will explain it later in this article, but for now and before proceeding a bit with that, I want to make things very clear about the word “remaining friends”.

How to stay friends with an ex?

Lots of men think that it’s fine to stay friends with an ex because they will be close to her and so can convince her later to get back together. They think they will affect her that way. And in fact, they are right. they will affect her but in the exact opposite way. they will even repel the woman more and more. The only case that she will not be repelled is when she is using her man to get over him as i will tell you right now.

I am sorry if it is disappointing, but actually you should never do it. You should never keep the contact and remain friends with her.  By saying “remain friends” I mean: the case when you stay in contact with your ex as if you are friends. That’s why it is not strange that I strongly recommend staying friends with her on facebook, because it does not actually require to keep contact with her.

Unlike the real world friendship, facebook friendship does not mean you have to be real friends. It is exactly like when you both have the phone numbers of each other while you do not call each other. By remaining friends on facebook, you can send her an indirect message by letting her see your status updates while in the same time you do not say a word and still not friends. You got the point?

You may be confused because I have told you not to be friends with her while I am confirming on being friends with her on facebook. The key here is that you can remain friends with her on facebook while you do not have to actually be friends with her (in the real world) or to keep the contact with her.

That said, if she asked to be friends with you, you can actually accept orally while in fact you do not treat her like a friend, for example, you can say “of course we can still be friends” while you do not call her or talk to her like friends do. I hope that you understand this point very well.

Why you should not be friends with your ex in the real world if your goal is to get her back?

You may think that it’s a good chance to stay friends with your ex because you will have a chance to be close to her and in that magical moment you may manage to convince her to get back together. This is simply wrong.Things do not work like this, and on the contrary, your ex will use your friendship to get over you a bit by bit. Let’s be realistic, she is not interested in you, otherwise why did she dump you in the first place? She just wants you to ease the pain of her breakup with you, but you know what? If the breakup is easy for her, so why do you think she has to get back to you. Just let her miss you, feel some pain and give her a reason to return back to you.

So to sum things :

  • When you stay friends she will use you to help her get over you.
  • By accepting her friendship, you demonstrate that you do not respect yourself and your desire enough to the extent that you sacrifice your own desires for hers. So if she wants you to be a lover, then okay, but if she wants you to be just a friend, then it is also okay!
  • By staying friends with her, you miss the opportunity of letting her feel and experience some pain. In fact you do not even give her a reason to return back to you.

So, cut all contact in the real world friendship and stay friends with your ex on facebook, and that’s of course if your goal is to get her back.

You may also want to check my ultimate guide on how to get your ex girlfriend back .

Matt Huston created the ex2 system and helped many guys get their ex girlfriends back. Not only Matt will tell you about killer tactics and techniques to get her back, but also he gives a complete guide named “Train your girlfriend” as a bonus to help you keep her after you get her back. You can read a complete review of the ex2 system here or you can listen to Matt’s free audio presentation here. ( Hint: the video may take some time to start so wait about 5 to 10 seconds for the video to load because there are too many people trying to access the server and watch that video).

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About Ali

Ali is the one behind He created this Relationship Advice Blog to share what he has learned through the past 7 years about psychology, women, and relationships to help you control your love life.

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  1. Rosa says:

    Nice Topic :)

  2. Jessi says:

    super true
    & super like
    i really like it
    congratulation for the website :)

  3. Mike says:

    Yes, exactly, you really clear up the controversy surrounding this issue. Stay out of the Friend zone if you want her back AND if you want her to back off. Being her friend alleviates the guilt of breaking up with her and helps her move on to the next guy. You’ll end up being the one critiquing her outfit for her hot date.
    Nicely said

  4. MIKE says:

    hi i have a question im trying to do the “no contact” with my ex but i told her we can be friends, but im not going to and she said she will message me on facebook from time to time to say hello but i dont want to see her profile picture of her with her new boyfriend, so i basically blocked her so i wont see her photos and wont get more hurt, my question is . is it good to block her from all communication ? I DO WANT HER BACK but i just cant take the fact that she is seeing someone new, please help should i unblock her and just ignore her and make her contact me or should i just keep her on block wait a while and then unblock her and see if she still contacts me?

    • Ali says:

      If you still want her back, then blocking her will prevent you from sending indirect messages to her and so you will not be able to affect her. I know it is a bit painful to see your girl with another guy, but you have to understand two things:
      1- This is a must to get her back or at least to show her that you are happy with your life even without her.
      2- The new guy may be nothing more than a rebound relationship. Check my article about rebound relationships her for more information:

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